E.R.

THE DAYS

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 06:59:20 GMT

Finally after so long, i can post pictures.

These are some of the stuff my mom bought for us. Taiwanese Fruit Vinegar (tastes like it's just vinegar). She said they have nutritional value or something like that. Oh, and some chocolates.

Last Sunday, my friends and i went to the 'riverside' of this city. Felt like we were in Chinatown. There were lots of seafood and tourists.

We played some games card games and board games. It lasted for 5 hours. The attractions here in Singapore are few. You have to learn how to entertain yourself. haha..

This is my friend, a 13-year old kid. I either go for the young ones or the really old ones. I never really had friends who are around my age. He talks to pigeons. This kid amazes me and i learn a lot from him. :)

WHERE I STAND

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 08:11:15 GMT

i know that the stuff i post here is mostly depressing. i have another blog where my 'happy self' does the 'happy' posts..but i have to dump it all somewhere, right? haha.

can i re-do my life? sigh.

anyway, i'm picking up the pieces. i really want to know what i was born to do. just when you thought you've got everything figured out...well, stuff happens. stuff that you can't stop. so i really get pissed off when some people say that you have to take control of your own life or something like that..coz there are some stuff that you really just don't have a say in.

add some fake people to the mix and it really bugs you.

SO WHERE WAS I? well, yeah. at least there's this person who kinda keeps me going. s/he said he wouldn't go without me..s/he has to leave but i told him to let me be the first to go so i wont get hurt. so s/he said..we'll leave together. which is sad. im happy that i can leave with him/er..but we would be leaving the place/people with whom we were happy/where we were happy.

truth is i just don't want him/er to leave..i just want him/er to stay..that's why i want to leave so i wouldnt be there when s/he says goodbye.

i know im selfish but i really want to stay sane at this point of my life..i dont want to get hurt anymore. i'm sorry coz im not as strong as i was.
im not as strong as you thought i was.

AND THIS ANGERS ME TOO..coz i am already confused and you're also in the picture..making it even more complicated! coz..well, coz you're here. still love you bro.

but i know...i know...everything's gona be alright.

FRUSTRATED

Sat, 30 May 2009 07:44:34 GMT

i caught him staring at me and i felt self-conscious.

'coz i was just his 'friend' and nothing more.

just when i told myself i wil not waste my time thinking of him when he was

so much preoccupied with.. other stuff.. - i catch him staring at me.

i said, "what?!" was there something on my face?

he said, "you have pretty eyes."

...

and i fell in love with him again. :(

GOD, PLEASE TELL ME THAT IT'S ALL A JOKE.

Mon, 25 May 2009 07:24:07 GMT

i heard the news and i felt shock overcoming me..but mostly i was numb. i even smiled though i felt the coldness in my heart creeping in slowly. We went downstairs, drank some coffee like it was any other day..like i didn't die a few minutes ago.

i can't pretend that i'm strong. i can't pretend that i didn't feel like killing myself. how easy it would be. jump over the bridge. cross the road without waiting for the green man. step over that yellow line. haha. no, i wasn't scared. i think my family was scared for me 'coz they knew i could snap. they knew i could keep a painful secret for years..never telling anyone not a single soul. then it will all come out when i snap.

wondered why the sun kept on shining. why people around me can still laugh and eat, drink and be merry. after the news, i needed to get away. i was good at that. escaping and pretending. so that day, i waited outside before i went in. tried to cry but the tears wouldn't come out. tried to laugh and found that i could. it was my hollow, unnatural, forced laugh. the one i used mostly all the time. the laugh that was usually followed by uncontrollable sobs..but this time, there was no crying.

i questioned how i could be like this. how i could still act like everhthing was ok..they didn't suspect anything 'coz i was such a good actress.

went home. my mom tried to talk to me but i didn't hear her or anyone. and suddenly, i cried like there was no tomorrow. i cried 'coz there was still tomorrow. 'coz i still had to live and face everything and every1..which i hated to do. i still needed to be happy and laugh even if i didn't feel like it. God, just give me 1 day..1 day to stop believing..1 day to die and tomorrow, everything would go back to normal. please. just.1.day.

I'M SAD

Sat, 09 May 2009 00:44:00 GMT

i wrote this on my other blog....

p.s. to you. u dont know ur e one im talking about and i dont think u read this blog. everything has changed between us. maybe its not our fault..but everything's different. i feel so..so far away from you..like i dont know u..like we were never close. we both changed. and im sorry about that. now, we're trying 2 put back the pieces.. i hope we can regain what we had back then.

maybe its coz u dont really need me but i tried 2 think that u did so i clung 2 u for a long time..but now, i can see that i was e only 1 really trying 2 make e relationship work. ur like a stranger 2 me now..and i feel sad that what we had was lost.

POST

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 05:45:20 GMT

choices to make. i am so frustrated. divided between loyalty to my friends or to my family.
it's my friend's last day with us tomorrow. it's my job interview at the same time.
i have to help my parents. i have to be there for my friend.
----------------------------Who should i choose?-------------------------------------------------------
i just want to pack my bags and head off to Italy, if only i existed in my own little world.
People complicate things..or am i the one making all this SO complicated?
i just wish to be gone.

SO WHAT IF THE GUY'S FROM CHINA?

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 04:04:56 GMT

Oh and there was this time when i was on the bus and this bus driver was like new and he wasn't a really good driver. He accidentally closed the doors when an old man (who was using a cane to walk around) was just getting off the bus. Following the old man were 2 middle-aged women who were absolutely angry at the driver. Then one of the women said, “This driver is from China! Can tell from his face!” And they were still muttering and shouting as the bus drove away. The bus driver just raised his hand and he was saying sorry with his gestures and his looks.

Me? I was stunned. I mean, just because the guy came from China doesn't mean that he's stupid?! Give the poor guy a break! He came all the way from China to earn a living here. He's probably all alone and thinking about his family..whether they're eating right or something. SO what if he came from China? It's not like we don't have Chinese blood in our veins?! Yes, i think i have at least 3% Chinese blood in my veins. Just take a look at my mom and sis. I felt sorry for the guy. Ok, so i wasn't the one who almost got squashed by the door but hey, people make mistakes. Even the ones not from China. Maybe, especially the ones not from China.

CONVENIENCE, a short story

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 09:56:49 GMT

i've been thinking of doing it for some time now. The hardest question is not how but why. i'm trying to think of the reasons but none of them seem good enough even now that i'm actually going to go ahead with it.

i went to the store 2 months ago for this day but it doesn't mean that i should do it straight away. I'm not that impulsive and i'm not that of a procrastinator either. I just like to go on with the universe. This day seemed to be the perfect day to do it. Actually, every day seems like the perfect day. I've been thinking about this day for a couple of years now. Even before Dave. Even before college. Even before i had my first boyfriend. At first, it was just a thought. A fleeting thought. A seed, i should say, which took hold of my mind. And when I learned of its existence, it was too late.

Today though, today would be a good day. Today especially, when the sun is shining so bright and the birds are chirping all around. Actually, it doesn't matter. When you're going to do it, you're going to do it no matter the weather.

Right here, at my very own home is where it should be done. The bathroom would be great but it's just so, oh i can't think of a word, shall i say natural? Yes, natural for it to be done there and most convenient indeed. Who gives a penny of a thought of what other people would think at this time? It will give Dave a shock but there is nothing else i could do about that. I mean, in the words of Dorothy of Kansas, there is no place like home.

So i place all the stuff right at the rim of the bathtub and i sat at the toilet seat. Pathetic, i know but you don't need to think things through at this time. There, all settled down or maybe the bathtub is better? Yes, it would be more convenient. I opened one of the bottles. It smells terrible but i have to get it done. Oh bother, i forgot to write a note. Should i? Or shouldn't i? I prefer not to. Let Dave wonder why so he can finally use that brain of his for something other than math formulas. Besides, it's not convenient.

I swallow two at a time. It tastes bitter. I reached out for the glass of water to help me get it down. I would miss that. The refreshing feel of the water as it touches my tongue, flows through my throat and settle through my stomach. Rats! Now i feel like peeing. At this time! No, i won't. It won't matter in a few minutes anyway. I take a few more. I still forgot to answer the hardest question of all. Oh, this is different. So, that's how it feels like. It doesn't feel like floating at all. It feels more like raindrops settling on your skin. A numbness spreading throughout your body. Well, that's nice. i still see the leaves outside the window, a bit blurry though.

And is it raining? I can see, yes i can see her? I can see her! i can see- Aurora? Am i imagining things? Perhaps, at this time, all the more so. Yes, it is her! And -she is happy? Now, where was i? Oh yes, the question. Why? My stomach is churning but i hug my knees to my chest and i feel much better. I want to go there to where my Aurora is. I want to laugh too. But i forgot to answer the hardest question of all. I don't want to. I don't want to answer it. At this time, i am allowed to, am i not? Someone's coming through the door? Wait a minute, i did lock it, didn't i?

Yes, i did, then who?...Oh my, Aurora! it's you! Yes, i have been waiting all along, dear. Yes, that would be absolutely wonderful.

BOOK REVIEW

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 10:28:48 GMT

MAXIMUM RIDE by James Patterson

Apparently, this is the third book of the series so i was at a loss of what was really going on. Anyway, i've been wanting to borrow this book for a long time. At first, it was really boring and i was like, what's happening here? After a while though, the pace picked up and i was able to not only follow the story, but find myself laughing at all the jokes. It seemed really impossible to think about the situation, i mean recombinant (is that the right spelling?) DNA or something human-avian gene combination or whatever. After some time, you will come to believe that hey, it can happen. That's what's amazing really 'coz the author can twist your mind to what the story is about. There are some stuff that you wouldn't expect that would happen and it's like, a toned down thriller of sorts. Basically, there are 6 kids with wings and they have other powers that no one knows even them. It's kind of weird and impossible but hey, that's what fiction is. So, i would rate it 3.5 out of 5. The .5 would be for the times i laughed out loud 'coz of the funny stuff. Overall, good book to pass the time.

LIFELESS by Mark Billingham

Normal stuff you'd expect from a thriller/murder story/ murder mystery. I couldn't get the drift of what was the prologue or the opening paragraphs in the chapters were about but when you get to the middle, you figure everything out or rather the author tells it plainly. It was really cool as to how the timelines come together. There's this cop, Thorne, who's messing up his life 'coz his father mysteriously died in a fire and he can't think straight or something. Anyway, he was told to just do some paperwork which pisses him off 'coz that's not his stuff.

So there's this case where homeless guys get killed and he volunteers to be a homeless guy to get some info for the case. He gets out there and becomes 'one of them' and while he's doing that, he figures out stuff about himself, about his life. There's also a lot of stuff going on with every police officer's sexual life. It's weird 'coz a lot of the words were devoted to describe the other characters' past stuff while the person you need to know about most, Thorne being that person, is left out like you have to figure it out on your own. Maybe it's 'coz i haven't read the other novels or something. The thing is, you don't have any clue as to what's really happening like, you don't really understand what's happening in the case so you just read it and say, hey, it's an average murder mystery book. It has a really cool concept and stuff but there's something missing. With that, i rate it 3/5.

TO 3Dawns

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 07:39:33 GMT

Still haven't deleted the account. just busy :)..lots of pages and ideas to post though. Thanks for the comment. :)

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 05:21:10 GMT

I rarely get angry.

But when i do....

RIGHT NOW:

i hate you..for not understanding.
i hate you..for judging me.
i hate you..for thinking of nothing but yourself.
i hate you..coz you should act better than this.
i hate you..for hurting me.
i hate you..coz you made me cry.

Later..i will see you and try not to remember what you said..try not to remember what you did..i'm going to try to still love you but seriously, i don't like you.

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 07:28:32 GMT

i hate you 'coz you don't love me.

SIGNS

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 02:49:16 GMT

Here are the signs:

1. Not eating.

2. Not sleeping.

No people, this is certainly not l-o-v-e. Either too late or too early for that. Haha. It's not love. It's BEING ONLINE through the night even until morning.

So the photos won't upload. No big deal. There's a next time :)

Confession of an Addiction to Pringles Cheese

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:50:14 GMT

my 3rd day. My stomach's not growling but the temptation is so great. I was just gonna go get some water to ease my stomach and get rid of the hunger pangs for a moment when standing (is that the right word for it? i'll just go on right ahead)..as i said STANDING right in front of me was this newly opened can(?) tube or whatever of PRINGLES CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH! I admit that i am addicted to it. The only time i didn't eat it was just last Sunday wehn i was already biting down a double cheese Burger from McDonald's. And right there..right now..it's standing before me. Pringles Cheese..Persevere. Persevere. Persevere.

just a few hours more. :)

Hello

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:18:41 GMT

Hello.

Hmmm

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 05:56:24 GMT

i wish you well.

SCRATCH

Mon, 26 May 2008 06:58:01 GMT

scratched scars, red wounds
deep dents, process of time
heals your own but not mine
'coz i'm still scratching

MULTIPLE CHOICE

Fri, 16 May 2008 07:41:33 GMT

Complete the sentence:

________ we cause our own heartache.

a) Most of the time

b) Sometimes

c) Every time

Writer's Block: Happy Friday

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 16:28:51 GMT

What are you most looking forward to this weekend?

View 501 Answers

Hey..

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:18:57 GMT

Hey to : Ron! How have you been? I just remembered you. Well, it has been a long time but i still miss our talks during our language class and i still miss the way you made cool jokes. I don't miss your cologne though. Thank you 'coz you treated me nicely than the other girls in our class. Thank you for being such a gentleman. Even though you were going through one of the toughest times in your life, you were still there and i wil never forget that.

Hey to : M! Well, things should've worked out..we could've seen each other everday and you could've walked with me to school but i guess it wasn't meant to be. And i guess i'm glad..i should be glad.

Hey to : M! I thought i saw you the other day. No, it couldn't be. We're miles apart. 3 hours if you come by plane. Are you still as weird as you used to be? HAve you become an astronaut yet? You've always been a dreamer and you made me believe in dreams too. Thanks for showering a bit of hope when i didn't have any. You were great..as always.

I just miss you guys.

ANGELS

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 13:23:26 GMT

I'LL FIND OUT EVENTUALLY--i just wanted to say that but that has little to do with my post. This day, i met an angel. I'm not really sure but it seems true and I am once again amazed at how God makes a way.

He doesn't look like an angel. He looks like an old, unkempt, ordinary guy who constantly listenst to his mp3. He was tall and had that brown to orange, curly hair which is kind of rare and will remind you of corn hair.

My dad and i were lost and we thought our quest was in vain. We did not come all this way for nothing. Out of nowhere, he comes out and tells us where to go. He shows us the way and then he leaves.

Before that, i did something really stupid and i just realized it afterwards. It was really hard 'coz my dad was really trying so hard not to get anry at me. I made a mistake and i was given a chance to make it right again. By that time, I was feeling tired, scared and sorry. So, i was on my way back when i saw him.. again. He was waiting at the bus stop and he rode the same bus i was in. He sat in front of me. I was like, whoa! This has got to be a miracle. I still keep thinking how this happened.

**I was so tired today i slept for 3 straight hours.

BLWEEHH..

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 05:07:55 GMT

I can't help but criticize people. How do you stop?

PARDON MY FRENCH

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 13:01:42 GMT

Sorry for the no-show people. Anyway, i'm trying to think of a good post.

The other laptop where i usually post the photos is going through a phase.

When i stop being lazy, i'll post it. Maybe tomorrow.

"I'll stop procrastinating. Tomorrow."

IT ALL BEGINS WITH 2 LETTERS.

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 10:21:49 GMT

Hi.

March 15, 2008

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 05:33:43 GMT

MARCH 15, 2008

I thought it was only going to be our cg at hideout cafe but then it turned out that it was a combined cg! I was really surprised. i bought the cake for Alfred but i didn't know how i was going to hide the box because my bag was so small so we placed it inside Wilma's bag.

We played a few games then after that we had Praise and Worship, offering time and we celebrated Alfred's birthday. Happy Birthday Alfred!

And then the real battle began. Mwahahaha!!!! The fight was against Teams B and C.

First up was this game called Guesstures. We lost. Next was MadGab. This was my fave 'coz i answered some mumbled questions and it was really fun. I dubbed it "Wilma's Game" 'coz she was the one who mumbled and we were the one who guessed what she was saying.

We had Quelf which was not really an eventful game. SuTing was just tortured for a little while and we had no problem in not laughing, mostly because we did not understand this game.

And last was the famous Taboo which i don't really like to play 'coz i'm not particularly good at the "descriptions" department. At least, they guessed a few of my questions. I had one which was "dragonboat". I didn't even know what that was until i came to Singapore! It was really, really funny. The food was ok -pizza, fries, onion rings, nuggets + drinks.

and the winner is...(drumroll) E462! We clapped and cheered for a really long time especially when we learned that we won vouchers(hideout cafe free hours) and that the losing team would be doing a forfeit! Bronson, Jin Yuan, Jonathan, and I were convinced by Kimberly to join her in playing the story game. You have to form a story based on the cards and try to finish with the ending you got. Other members will try to stop you from finishing the story by using the "interrupt" card. It was very funny especially when Kim and Jonathan kept trying to use their story card endings and it didn'st really make any sense. I remember Jonathan's especially. It went something like this - "And his dedication had broken the spell." He tried to use it about 5 times. The Pit game was also cool but we just got to play 1 round because we had to go home.

Well after that, i went home with Alexis at 7pm. Got a haircut and wished for the best. I was really tired but i enjoyed myself today.

Here are some much-awaited pics: