i know that the stuff i post here is mostly depressing. i have another blog where my 'happy self' does the 'happy' posts..but i have to dump it all somewhere, right? haha.

can i re-do my life? sigh.

anyway, i'm picking up the pieces. i really want to know what i was born to do. just when you thought you've got everything figured out...well, stuff happens. stuff that you can't stop. so i really get pissed off when some people say that you have to take control of your own life or something like that..coz there are some stuff that you really just don't have a say in.

add some fake people to the mix and it really bugs you.

SO WHERE WAS I? well, yeah. at least there's this person who kinda keeps me going. s/he said he wouldn't go without me..s/he has to leave but i told him to let me be the first to go so i wont get hurt. so s/he said..we'll leave together. which is sad. im happy that i can leave with him/er..but we would be leaving the place/people with whom we were happy/where we were happy.

truth is i just don't want him/er to leave..i just want him/er to stay..that's why i want to leave so i wouldnt be there when s/he says goodbye.

i know im selfish but i really want to stay sane at this point of my life..i dont want to get hurt anymore. i'm sorry coz im not as strong as i was.
im not as strong as you thought i was.

AND THIS ANGERS ME TOO..coz i am already confused and you're also in the picture..making it even more complicated! coz..well, coz you're here. still love you bro.

but i know...i know...everything's gona be alright.